Let Her Go

السلام علايكم
My first death experience was today and it was shocking for me. I was blank at some point when the doctor said to me that we should stop. Stop?
Well, originally, three of us, Erna, Ayie & me were lounging in the pantry. heh. Not exactly lounging. Rehat kejap lepas penat berdiskusi dengan Dr. TMS. On feet. Not sitting. Imagine. I was up in the ward since 7am. More or less 7am. Did my final clerking, check my patient's report and get ready for today's round. Today, Dr. TMS will do his round. And believe me, it is looooongggggg. He likes to teach. He likes to talks. He loveesssss to question us. Gugup ye setiap kali dia panggil kau dan tanya. Simple thing but you know how we go completely blank each time. Ended up embarrassing myself. haih.
Alrite. Back to my point. We were lounging when we decided to keep us busy with bloods! hehe. Nothing barbaric though. Ayie was about to ask Dr. A if there is any blood we can play with [note : play as in not play. play as in we don't play. Get it? No? Me neither. But oh well, we don't play with blood. We "play" with blood.] when Dr. A ordered us to help them with CPR. So yeah, we got to resuscitate a collapse patient. We take turns doing the CPR. Surprisingly [insert some sarcastic tone here], I get tired easily. I need to work out on my stamina. haih. Okay, back to the story. At some point, I took charge of pumping the oxygen through the intubator [I think that is what they were called. I'm not sure exactly the name but you get the point]. Then, later at some point, I heard the doctor said to the HOs that it was enough. It has been more than half an hour. We tried to resuscitate her for almost 45 minutes. I was quite unsure of what was happening at that very moment. It was only after the doctor came up to me and told me, straight to my face, with clear explanation, that we had to let the aunty go. I turn my head, facing Erna, eyes to eyes with her, and yes, she has exactly the mixed feelings. Then the uncle came in, trying to talk to the aunty, called her name few times, said something in Mandarin, while shaking her body. And there was me, still pumping the oxygen thingy, only slower. Not as rapid as earlier. I was there trying to suppress all sorts of feelings that might make me teary. Suddenly, the uncle faced me and said "Saya suruh dia tunggu kejap. Anak-anak nak mari tengok dulu. Tunggu kejap haa." Imagine. On my face. I nod. I look at Erna. I look back at the aunty. Still pumping the oxygen thingy. Then I quietly said, aunty, sikit je lagi. Tunggu anak aunty sampai ok? Right. Not quietly. I only has the courage to talk inside my head. It was few minutes later that the doctor asked all the HOs and us to leave the bed and let her go in peace. We complied. One last look at the aunty, praying she'll go in peace and one last look at the uncle waiting for the rest of the family to come. Threw away our gloves and masks. Washed our hands. And again, to the pantry we went. Met Dr. A there. Told her what happened. And she said "lahh. Biasalah tu kat wad ni. Haritu dah dua patients." We were like "Oh." Oh. I guess we had to deal with it. Realistically, its a part of our future career.

End of story. huhu.

Oh ye.
Ahlan ya Ramadhan. Selamat berpuasa kepada semua Muslim. May all of us improve ourselves. At least one step further in becoming a faithful servant to Him. in sha Allah.
Wassalam 안녕