This is a long reflection post of some recent events in our life, specifically, our Erselan's development.
You know, Erselan has always been the quiet child. Not talking much, most probably cause we, the parents aren't talkative either, or rather, he hasn't got anyone his age to socialize. Yet he has always expressed himself in a cheerful & mostly cheeky ways. He cried so little, very rarely on tantrums.
Overall, he was, and still a good child.
However, thing has changed a bit nowadays. We can't point to exactly when he changed, but we noticed it more & more now.
He has become more emotionally attached to us, and he expressed it well.
Dia dah pandai merajuk. Lagi-lagi dengan Abi dia. Dan kebanyakkan masa, aku perasan dia merajuk sebab Abi dia takde depan mata dia.
Dia tak marah Abi keluar rumah pergi kerja. In fact, I think he knows how hectic the work schedule is. Dia boleh faham kalau aku bagitau Abi dah pergi kerja. Abi kerja pagi, or Abi kerja malam ni. Or Abi busy tak dapat balik lagi.
Cuma lately aku perasan dia akan cepat terasa hati atau merajuk kalau Abi dia langsung tak jejak rumah for a period of time.
Dulu, masa nak pindah hospital baru, Muadz kena cari dulu rumah sewa. So sementara waktu tu, aku & Erselan duduk di rumah Ayah Mama. Proses cari rumah ambil masa dalam tiga hari. Jadi sepanjang tiga hari tu, Muadz akan gerak seawal Subuh dan balik rumah seawal 11 malam. Kebiasaannya Erselan tengah lena masa Muadz ada kat rumah. Jadi Erselan tak nampak Abi dia depan mata. Dan lepas tu Muadz balik Manjung untuk settlekan proses pindah barang pula. He slept there for a night, then proceeded with the moving the next day, slept at our new house for a night.
You see, Erselan has always been accustomed to our hectic working schedule, but I think the longest he went without seeing us or any one of us was two nights in a row.
So when this house searching & moving process was going on, he basically didn't meet Abi for quite a long time than usual.
When Muadz was at Manjung, I made a phone call to him, cause Erselan has been asking for Abi quite a few times that day. When we connected & Erselan heard Abi's voice thru the loudspeaker, he screamed & cried. Take note Erselan was in a good mood before the call. So I thought oh my, maybe he missed Abi so much voice call isn't enough. So we made an attempt of video call after I calmed him down.
When the video call connected, and Erselan saw Abi on the screen, he threw, like the biggest tantrum we had ever seen. He cried. He screamed. He wailed. He then took my phone away & threw it on the ground the hardest he could. Hati Ummi robek weh tengok anak macam tu. Terus tutup video call dan sambung pujuk dia. Nasib baik my family was around hence Ummi control macho & tak ikut nangis sekali sebab Ummi dia pun clingy sobs sobs. At that time, we were quite clueless why he threw such tantrum. Padahal Abi lah favourite dia. Pantang dengar Abi call. Pantang tengok gambar & video Abi.
So came the day when we finally met at the new house, Makteh yang pick up aku & Erselan kat rumah Ayah Mama. Dalam kereta Erselan dah mula merengek sebab yela, kereta sama jenis, tapi yang drive, orang lain & Abi is nowhere to be seen. Sampai-sampai rumah baru je, Erselan nampak Abi tapi dia mengelak. Abi dah ready nak peluk cium dah tapi dia merengek taknak. hm more like merengus marah. Last-last kitorang give up nak paksa dia peluk Abi dia. Lamaaaaa tu baru dia okay.
Masa ni aku dah macam oh dia merajuk kot. Yela, selamba je Abi datang & pergi tinggalkan dia. Lama pula tu. Aku syak perangai dia yang satu ni ikut perangai aku. Jenis tak boleh jauh dengan suami. Lepastu nak perhatian je. heh
So then come back to the latest incident, which is I think was last Saturday. Today is Wednesday. So that makes it 5 days ago?
Muadz was on PM shift that day, and he was on passive call too. So in a PM shift, you work from 3pm till 10pm and passive call means you need to be on standby for any ambulance call from 8am till 8am the next day. To make things interesting, Muadz has football game on the Saturday morning. So he went out around 750am. Then he came back home around 11am, with the news of ambulance call waiting. So Erselan & Abi met for few moments only. Muadz pun siap-siap cepat-cepat sebab perjalanan dari rumah ke hospital ambil masa dalam 20 minit.
Pung pang pung pang, by the time Muadz reached hospital again, it was time for his PM shift. So memang tak sempat nak balik rumah lepak sat ke apa. Fast forward to the end of his PM shift, Muadz told me that he has another ambulance call waiting so he wont be able to come back home yet.
Seperti biasa, aku pun tidurkan lah Erselan dulu. Yela, dah pukul berapa masa tu. Anak aku ni kalau tak dipaksa tidur, habis dia tahan mata.
He came back home around 3am. Then around 4am he received another call. So went back to hospital. Pung pang pung pang, dalam pukul 7 pagi juga dia balik rumah. Dia tidur sat. Tak lama pun. Sebab dia AM shift haritu. Meaning 8am till 3pm. Jadi dalam 830 pagi macam tu dia gerak pergi kerja balik. Nasib baik colleagues memahami dia lewat sikit.
Dan seperti biasa, Muadz jenis tak suka passover benda tak settle kalau dia boleh settle. So petang tu instead of being punctual, he came back home around 5pm.
Sampai-sampai je Muadz kat rumah, Erselan terus mengamuk. Dia tutup pintu rumah. Tak bagi Abi dia masuk. Abi dia masuk dia marah-marah. Abi dia nak peluk dia meraung-raung. Habis tantrum dia petang tu. Dah kesian pula aku tengok Muadz. Dengan penatnya, dengan rasa sedih anak emo macam tu. Last-last aku suruh je dia siap-siap & pergi rehat. Biar aku pujuk Erselan. Jenuh gak nak pujuk budak ni. Aku cakap macam-macam nak bagi dia faham kerja Abi dia memang macam tu. Sebab selalunya dia good boy je. Dia faham je Abi kena kerja. Cuma aku rasa dia tak dapat terima bangun, tidur, dan bangun balik pun Abi masih tak muncul depan mata. Dia dah pandai merajuk. Dah pandai tunjuk dia nak perhatian.
Aku rasa betullah tekaan aku tu. Dia nak manja je dengan Abi dia. Sebab esoknya Muadz PM shift, so dia bangun pagi tu dia keluar & nampak Abi dia kat meja kerja. Ya ampun sengih lebar. Terus menggedik dia. Sengih-sengih. Senyum malu-malu. Suka lah tu Abi depan mata. hmph
Tulaa, kadang anak depan mata ni, tak perasan pun dia dah makin besar, dah matang sikit, dah tau nak tunjuk perasaan yang selama ni dia tak tunjuk sangat pun. Bijak budak-budak sekarang. Kadang nak marah dia tantrum tu, marah gak, tapi sekarang aku cuba didik diri sendiri ambil pendekatan lembut. Duduk depan dia, pandang mata dia. Peluk dia. Usap-usap kepala. Tanya dia kenapa lahhhh dia mengamuk tak tentu pasal ni. Tapi tula, seorang Hani ni pun sejenis emosi juga. Jadi kalau aku rasa aku penat gila, tak larat nak layan perangai tantrum dia, aku biarkan je, lepastu aku pergi asingkan diri kat dalam bilik ke kat mana ke. Nanti dia akan datang pujuk minta perhatian. Sementara tunggu dia datang tu, aku tenangkan lah hati sambil fikir amende lah anak aku tu nak kali ni.
Paling terkesan sebab setiap kali aku muhasabah, mesti aku akan sampai ke konklusi yang anak aku ni bukan apa, dia cuma manja, nak perhatian, nak orang main dengan dia. Yela, dia sorang. Nak main dengan siapa lagi kalau bukan dengan Abi Ummi dia. Tapi tula, kalau main kejar-kejar memang lah Ummi tak larat. hahaha hmmm.
Kadang terfikir, kejap je dia dah nak masuk tiga tahun. Kang kalau asyik dimarah je, sedar-sedar dia dah masuk sekolah, masa tu nanti dia dah tak heran dah dengan aku. haa masa tu meraung lah Ummi nak perhatian dia pula. sobs
Wassalam 안녕
